Suppressed Tears
by AvengerGal
Summary: Tears are threatening to roll down my face. I must suppress them, like the soldier I've been trained to be...Natasha dies, leaving Clint alone. Will he ever recover? Does he know that he's surrounded by a family-the Avengers? Please read. And review, as well. Chapter 2- if Clint dies and leaves Natasha. Character Death. Rated k for mentioned blood and death.
1. Natasha leaves Clint

**Hello! I haven't written fanfiction stories for a while, so I hope this one is okay.**

**If Natasha dies and leaves Clint, what would happen. **

**I tried to write this so that it is not out of character besides that fact that Natasha and Clint were dating (which didn't happen in the movie, and according to my friend, DEFINITELY did not happen in the comics).**

**Anyways, I really hope you enjoy. Please, please review. Thank you.**

* * *

I've always known that one of us would have to leave first. I've always thought it would be me.

I never expected it to happen this way. This suddenly. This soon.

Right now I'm shooting arrows in a SHIELD gym. The sound the arrow makes as it flies through the air and hits the target (exactly where I want it to go) has always been soothing to me. Right now, I am trying to use it as a distraction.

A distraction from the memories of a strong partnership.

A distraction from the memories of her smiles.

A distraction from her beautiful laugh which will forever echo in my head.

A distraction from the weight of a velvet box containing a diamond ring in a pocket on the inside of my vest.

A distraction from the tears that are threatening to fall down my face.

I must suppress them, like the soldier I've been trained to be.

Yet, nothing, no-not even the _shoonk_ of the arrows sinking in to the target, can distract me from all this utterly excruciating pain I feel.

I remember the way she would smirk at me whenever she had me pinned down during training. I remember the way her long curly red hair (before she cut it short) would whip around as she beat up men almost twice her size. I remember the way she would glare at me when I tried to hug her-but in the end, she would let me. Only I was ever allowed to hug her.

I remember when we started dating. At first, I couldn't believe what was happening. I was dating Natasha Romanoff. We went to gyms together, we went to the movies, I was tackled more than once, I tried to teach her how to use a bow and arrow , and she tried to teach me some Mexican-style wrestling. There was just something about a female doing those moves.

She was amazing. I loved her. I still do.

I remember the way I felt every time she came back unhurt from a mission. What was the feeling? Relief?

Except one day, she never came back.

Why, Natasha? Why?

* * *

She was on a solo mission. Actually, she usually went on solo missions, so I treasure the memory of every mission we went together on. Especially Budapest-ah, Budapest…but that's another story.

I was up in my "nest," as my fellow SHIELD agents called it jokingly, when three high pitched beeps sounded from some speakers somewhere on the walls. All SHIELD agents froze and fell silent, because we all knew what three high pitched beeps meant. A SHIELD agent had died.

I wonder now if I had known who it was before Fury even announced it. All I remember is that I had this cold chill climb up my back. I know we all felt cold then.

Last time, it had been an Agent Cornelia Charles with short blonde hair (and a trademark strand of hot pink), blue glimmering eyes, and an amazing skill with explosives.

And why did it have to be that this time, it was an Agent Natasha Romanoff with short red hair, green gorgeous eyes, and master assassin skills? Why?

For a while, I just sat there, in my nest. I slumped against the wall with my head tilted back. I understood what Fury announced, yet I was confused. I was mad, and that's when I started to go a little wild in the head. I was angry at the world around me, and I also went crazy. I also didn't want to believe that what Fury said was true.

But deep, deep down, I knew.

But I hadn't wanted to listen to the truth right then. I was mad. I went mad with hurt.

I stood up. My jaw was tense, my teeth were clamped shut, and I swayed a little. My head felt funny.

An agent walked by.

"Where's Fury?" I asked him. In my confusion, I didn't even recognize, or care to recognize, who it was.

"He's not to be disturbed right now."

"TELL ME WHERE HE IS!" I screamed at him. Many agents turned around and stared.

The agent backed up a little.

"Whoa, Clint, bro. Calm down, man. He has an important meeting with the Avengers. He's, well…okay, okay, he's upstairs in the meeting room 4B. And Clint, we're really sorry about what happened. All of us SHIELD agents."

I barely heard the last part. I ran upstairs.

"ARGH!" I banged open the door and rushed inside. I felt like murdering something, or someone.

"FURY!" Crazed, I pointed my arrow at Nick Fury. He held his hands up, but the Avengers all stood up, confused, worried looks on their faces.

"Whoa there, Mr. Barton," said someone. It could've been Steve. I didn't care then.

"TELL ME NATASHA ISN'T DEAD! TELL ME-TELL ME NOW! SHE'S THE BLACK WIDOW! SHE CAN'T DIE!" I shouted.

"I'm sorry, Clint, but-,"

"DON'T LIE TO ME! DON'T-," I started for Nick Fury's throat.

"Okay, Hawk-man, that's _quite_ enough," declared Thor. He grabbed my arms and held them behind my back. The rest of the Avengers also jumped into action.

I kicked Thor's legs and struggled as hard as I could to be freed from his grip.

"NATASHA'S NOT DEAD! WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER, FURY? WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY NATASHA?"

_My Natasha._

"He's not in his right mind! Keep a hold of him, Thor, I'll take his weapon," said Steve.

I struggled to keep my bow and arrows, but Steve pried my fingers open.

"Barton's gone crazy," stated Tony unnecessarily.

"FURY! TELL ME THE TRUTH!" I screamed. I must've had a wild look about me. Teeth bared and hair messy, my eyes were fixed on Director Fury, and sweat rolled down my face.

Nick Fury looked me in the eye for a while. Then he turned away.

"Yes, Agent Romanoff is down. She was in a building when it exploded suddenly. We weren't able to catch the man who did it. But she completed her mission," confirmed Fury gravely. "I'm sorry," he added.

Still in Thor's grip, I fell on my knees.

"NOOO!" I screamed at the ceiling in rage and agony.

Suddenly, my body was almost limp-Thor held my upper body up by my arms. I stared at the ground.

"No," I whispered.

I'd never felt so broken, so defeated in my life.

Bruce looked down at me concerned. "We're all very sorry, Barton."

"Natasha's gone," I whispered rather dumbly. Then suddenly, I looked up.

"I just went crazy, didn't I? I'm sorry," I said to Directory Fury. My words seemed meaningless.

Bruce Banner whispered something to the director. I caught words and phrases of what he said.

"_Clint…shouldn't...off duty…stress…mind…"_

Fury just frowned silently for a while, and then nodded in agreement.

"Agent Barton, you're being let off duty for a week. The rest of you-let's finish this meeting. And Tony, take Barton to his room and give him something to drink. And no, I don't mean liquor."

Numbly, I allowed Tony to take me to my room. I allowed him to give me a glass of cold water. I allowed him to command me to "get some rest."

* * *

So here I am in a SHIELD gym, shooting arrows, and trying not to let these stupid tears roll down my face. I take out a velvet box from the inside of my vest, open it, and take out a shining, sparkly diamond ring. I put it on the tip of my next arrow, and I close my eyes and shoot that arrow right into the heart of the target. The ring dangles there, trapped-just like I am trapped in a life without Natasha.

Suddenly, the door behind me opens. The proud, steady sounds of the footsteps on the mats of the gym tell me it's Tony approaching.

He stands quietly next to me for a while. At first, he doesn't say anything, so I keep shooting.

I know he notices the ring. I know he's going to make some comment about it.

"You really loved her didn't you?"

There it is.

I make no comment. Instead, I went and pulled out the arrows from the target, except for the one with the ring.

"Well, um…do you want to be left alone?"

What kind of a question is that? But actually, no I don't want to be left alone anymore.

"Uh, no…not really."

"You know, they're actually serving dinner upstairs. Why don't you come and join us?"

I don't want to go upstairs and face all the pitying looks of the other agents.

"No. I don't want to go upstairs, but thank you," I answer.

"You know, we're all here for you," says Tony.

I stopped shooting for a moment. Those tears are threatening to fall. I try not to blink so that my eyes go bone dry. Then I resume.

Tony stares at me for a while, and then he turned and left the gym.

I put on a blindfold and started to shoot a circle of arrows around the one that had the ring trapped on it.

A minute passes by. Then four more.

Creaking, the door to the gym opens behind me. Smelling something good, I turn around and take off my blind fold. My eyes widen. It is Pepper holding two trays of food, and the Avengers trailing in behind her, each also carrying a tray of food. I haven't eaten all day.

Pepper walks toward me.

"Here," she says, passing me a tray. "This one's for you. Enjoy."

And just like that, we're all sitting on a large gym mat, enjoying SHIELD-cooked spaghetti and delicious garlic bread.

They all glance at the ring at one point or another, but it never pops up in our conversation (probably because Tony informed them about it earlier), and we're all laughing and having a good time.

At one point, Pepper just looks at me and smiles.

And suddenly, a dam inside of me breaks, and the tears that I've suppressed all this time start rolling down my face. A lot of tears. And I drop my face into my hands because I'm starting to sob-and I'm embarrassed because it's such a girly thing to do.

My friends surround me. Pepper rubs my back, Thor thumps it (hard), Tony grips my shoulder, Bruce moves my tray out of the way, and Steve runs to get a Kleenex.

And later that night, I dislodge the arrow with the ring and I put the ring back into the box.

I don't feel so trapped anymore. You see, I have a family.

* * *

**Well, that's it...**

**UNLESS you review and tell me you want another chapter about if Clint dies and leaves Natasha. **

**I really love reviews.**

**Thank you to Julliet15!**

**~AvengerGal**


	2. Clint Leaves Natasha Part 1

If Clint Dies Before Natasha

* * *

Natasha carried Clint's injured and torn body back to the makeshift SHIELD base in Afghanistan. He had been shot in the side and had lots of cuts, gashes, and bruises. She made it halfway before she crumpled to the hot sandy ground in exhaustion. She remembered learning that this was the place Tony Stark was kidnapped and taken to.

The Avengers had been fighting this battle for three days. Natasha's hands were bloody, her suit was torn at the knees, and her lips were chapped and cracked from severe dehydration. She had bruises everywhere and she was sure she had cracked a rib.

Clint was in worse shape. He was alive, yes, but barely. Natasha knew she was going to pass out soon. She ripped part of Clint's long pants off and bandaged it tightly around his heavily bleeding stomach. She knew it wasn't enough, but it was the best she could do. Already her vision was graying. She pressed a button on her earpiece.

"I need medical…," Natasha's voice trailed off and she sank into darkness.

* * *

Iron Man shot through the air. He had heard Natasha's feeble plea for help and was trying to locate where the signal was coming from with the help of JARVIS.

There, two figures below him.

"_I found them,"_ he told the others who were now at the base. His helmet opened and Tony Stark looked at the two in concern.

"JARVIS, open up the armor around my arm so I can feel their pulses."

The right arm of his armor opened up and Tony's hand was free. He knelt down next to Natasha and looked for her pulse. For a few seconds there was nothing. Then he felt a beat. He smiled in relief.

His smile faded when he knelt by Clint. He felt for his pulse.

His arm case closed again and his helmet slammed shut. He picked them both up and started flying back to the base. It took a while for his mouth to start working again.

"_Guys…the Hawk is dead."_

* * *

When Natasha woke up, her vision was blurry at first. She started focusing, and she saw faces. Yes, there was Thor sitting in front of a window, Steve setting a vase with flowers on her bedside table, Bruce sitting at a computer wearing a stethoscope, Tony pacing around in front of her bed, and Pepper sitting right next to her bed, tears glistening in her eyes.

She was the first to notice that Natasha was awake.

"Natasha, you're awake, thank God."

Bruce turned around and sighed in relief.

"Whadf?" Natasha's tongue felt so heavy. She tried again.

"What?" She looked out the window and realized she was no longer in Afghanistan. The familiar skyline of New York City was the sight that met her eyes. She was in Stark Tower.

Tony had stopped pacing when he realized Natasha was awake.

"You've been asleep for a little over a day. You don't know how worried we were," he told her.

"Just to put things briefly, there were signs that you were falling into a coma. There was a whole lot of chaos around here for the last 24 hours. But I can tell you're going to be fine now. You're a real fighter," said Bruce.

"Well, thank you for taking care of me."

Natasha looked around. For some reason, nobody would meet her eye.

"Is there something wrong?" she asked.

And nobody answered.

_That's a little strange, _thought Natasha. She looked over at Pepper. For some reason, Pepper was starting to cry although Natasha was okay.

Then Natasha remembered.

"What's wrong with Agent Barton?"

Thor looked away sadly.

"Someone tell me what happened," said Natasha raising her voice.

Steve tried to say something.

"He, um, Natasha, I'm sorry, I know this is all very shocking, and - ,"

"If Clint is dead just tell me," she said firmly in a no-nonsense voice.

"He's dead," confirmed Tony. "He was dead when I found you guys. Sorry, Natasha."

Natasha didn't say anything in response.

"Natasha, Director Fury is holding a meeting in 5 minutes. We have to leave."

Natasha just looked at the flowers next to her bed.

"Make sure you don't go anywhere," said Bruce.

"Okay," answered Natasha.

"Director Fury will be glad to hear that you are awake. You wouldn't believe how worried he was."

"Okay," repeated Natasha.

The men trailed out. Pepper was about to leave, too, but she turned around and looked at Natasha again.

"Will you be alright?"

_No. _Natasha wanted to say. _I feel like I'm going to cry. I haven't cried since I was being trained in Russia not to cry. _

She gave the brightest smile she could muster.

"I'll be fine," she told Pepper.

But her eyes, Pepper noticed, were empty.

* * *

Two nights later, Bruce gave Natasha permission to join the rest of the Avengers for dinner.

"So," said Tony, twirling spaghetti on a fork. "I know you and Clint have been dating for a while, and did you know, he really loved you?"

Natasha did not grace the question with an answer.

"Have you cried? Actually, can you even cry? It's amazing how well you do your poker face. Is there anything real about you at all? Did you know that Clint was going to pr-,"

"_Tony," _warned Pepper. Natasha just casually asked Steve to please pass her the pitcher of water.

"Miss Romanoff," said Steve, pouring her a glass of water instead of just passing her the pitcher.

"Yes?"

"Clint was going to give this to you after the battle. Um, since he never got to…we're going to give it to you now."

He handed her a…a small velvet box.

In the past, every time Natasha wanted to cry, she had always succeeded in keeping her eyes dry. Now it seemed that all her training was in vain. She didn't take the box. She bit her lip and ran to her room. They sat in an awkward silence for a while.

"Oh, this all my fault," moaned Steve, face palming himself. "I've never known how to talk to ladies. You guys shouldn't have voted for me to be the one to tell her."

"Don't worry, Steve, you didn't do anything wrong. This is just really hard on Natasha right now," said Pepper.

"Did you see her? She had actual TEARS in her eyes!" exclaimed Tony, excited but worried.

Steve groaned.

* * *

**But will Natasha let those tears fall? **

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**And remember - even a review that consists of just one word means a whole lot to me.**

**Thanks to Julliet15! Make sure you check out her stories. (She's a better writer than me :)!)**

**~AvengerGal**


	3. Clint Leaves Natasha Part 2

Chapter Three

The funeral day was bright and sunny.

Natasha was there to help get ready.

_Is it just me, _thought Natasha, _or is it chilly outside?_

Pepper rushed toward her.

"What in the world, Natasha?! It's about 90 degrees, for heaven's sake! You must be crazy to wear such a heavy coat!"

"What?"

_So it's just me, huh?_

"Are you feeling alright, Natasha?"

Tony and Bruce walked toward them.

"Whoa, Natasha," exclaimed Tony. "You look like cr - ,"

Bruce cut him off.

"What Tony is trying to say is that you look really feverish. I shouldn't have let you move around so early."

"I'm fine," said Natasha, but suddenly she shuddered.

"No you're not. You're getting chills," said Tony sternly.

"What's it to you?" snapped Natasha. Tony recoiled, but then he put a steady hand on Natasha's shoulder.

"Are you ready for your speech?" he asked.

Natasha looked away.

Pepper squeezed her hand.

"You can do it."

Truth was, Natasha was worried she might break down in front of the audience. Even when Steve had shown her the ring, she had tears in her eyes, but she did not let them fall.

But today was different. She had a fever, she was depressed, and she missed Clint horribly.

The time soon came for her farewell speech.

She stood up in front of the Avengers and all the SHIELD agents who had been friends with Clint. Almost all of them were either crying or had tear filled eyes. They all missed Clint terribly.

She tried to speak. Her mouth opened and closed a few times. Her voice didn't seem to work.

After what seemed to her like ages, she finally started speaking.

"C-Clint was a faithful…," she looked back down at her cards.

"Clint was a faithful friend, a devoted SHIELD agent, and an excellent marksman. He and I were…close. I…I…I'm not one to make great mushy speeches, but I can say that…I loved…,"

Natasha looked down and away from the crowd.

"I loved Clint Barton," her voice trailed off from the mike as she realized her voice was breaking. She ran away from everyone. Out of the cemetery. Into the parking lot. There she sank down next to a tree and hugged her knees. And for the first time in over five years, Natasha cried her heart out.

Because when Clint died, he seemed to have taken the part of her heart that had the last bit of true love in it. The last bit that didn't believe that love was child's play.

Natasha didn't believe she could love anyone anymore. It seemed everyone that had ever been close to her was gone. Her parents, Dreykov's daughter, Phil, now Clint.

There was nobody left now. Nobody that would want to take care of her like they did.

She remembered Clint's gruff face. He had a terrifying "relaxed" face, but when he smiled, it seemed that she would melt.

No other man had ever been able to do that to her – the Black Widow.

She wouldn't trust any other man to back her up when she was on a solo mission. A _solo_ mission for crying out loud! And Clint had insisted to come with her! She smiled at the memory of that particular mission.

"Natasha, there you are," said Tony from behind her.

Natasha quickly wiped her tears, embarrassed. She tried to hide her face, but her efforts were in vain. However, Tony said nothing about her tearstained face.

"I'm taking you back to Stark Tower early. Come on, get in the car."

* * *

That night, Natasha couldn't sleep. For the longest time, she lay staring at the ceiling. Tony had forced her to stay in bed. He had made her some hot tea and chicken noodle soup. He had played a DVD for Natasha to watch. Then he drove back to the funeral to comfort Pepper. (He was a busy man.)

Natasha looked at the clock. 4:30 a.m. Well, she might as well get changed now. She was getting bored just staying in bed.

So Natasha went to the kitchen and made herself some tea. She went to drink it in a common room.

* * *

Steve couldn't sleep that night either. He kept remembering the way Natasha recoiled from the ring in hurt and pain. He couldn't get the image of her running away from the funeral. Steve sighed. He felt so bad for her.

He looked at the clock. 4:31 a.m. Well, he might as well get changed and get going. There was no use in just staying in bed when he couldn't sleep.

"Why don't I make myself a cup of tea and read a book in a common room for a while? Maybe the common room with the big window," he said to himself. It was the Avengers' favorite common room.

* * *

When Steve entered the room, he stopped and blinked in surprise. There was Miss Romanoff staring out of the window. Moonlight reflected on her, making her already pale face a pure milky white. He stared for a while and then went to sit next to her.

The two sat in silence for a while.

"I wish, Clint was here. Right here, right now," Natasha spoke up.

"We all do," said Steve.

"Clint loved the moon."

He looked at her. "There's just something about the moon that just enchants you, huh?"

Natasha nodded.

"When I look at the moon," Steve said, "I feel like I can say anything. I feel like I can…cry. Those tears in your eyes, Natasha. Let them fall."

Natasha's face was completely emotionless, but slowly, tears rolled quietly down her face. Moonlight glistened off of them.

"Tell me things you remember about him."

So through the night, Steve and Natasha shared cherished memories about Clint.

That morning, the Avengers walked in to the kitchen to see her smiling as she ate her breakfast.

* * *

**Well, that's it! Whew! I don't think I'm going to write character death stories for a while. :) It gets depressing. **

**Thank you to Julliet15!**

**Make sure you check out either Julliet15's or my profile to learn about our collaboration project.**


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